Music

So, this is the first real blog entry i've got. Some of my friends have been bugging me consistently to actually put up something about my life. Recently i've been thinking about starting some sort of musical project. Reece and I had talked about some sort of Band but have yet to find a guitarist. Admittedly actually having a plan would motivate everyone all the more. Myself at actually getting back in hardcore shape, which seems to be a recurring theme at least as far as intent. That and really focusing on a specific style. ( Reece finds himself wanting more of a Southern Rock meets Hardcore feel, while I switch back and forth between a love for Deathcore/Grindcore and Electronic Music ). While browsing through the artists on my iPod today i came across an old favorite. Breathe Carolina. They mixed Hardcore in subtly with amazing dance beats. This led me to last.fm later in the day where I explored more of the Electronic Hardcore Genre. what struck me most was the number of duos. With one singing and one screaming. So for now its just one of many ideas but i intend to teach myself how to use various programs to come up with my own mixes for songs in the hopes that they later provide a backbone to the music id so very much love to create.


http://www.myspace.com/watchouttheresghosts

http://www.myspace.com/breathecarolina

http://www.myspace.com/attackattack

How Long?

Towers soar to meet the sky, kissed softly by the morning sun. Birds

alight on man's foolish triumph. Brick and mortar, iron and steel.

All falls to dust. Creation moves against such offenses . All of

existence sings its song. Time brings slow death to the endless pride

of men. Ever moving, ever onward. Praise is given day and night.

To the author of perfection. To the artist whose hand has wrought

countless wonders. And yet we struggle, against reason, against

truth. With all of nature speaking soft sweet sonnets, we seek

ourselves. Seeking knowledge of things that soon pass away,

and ignoring the testament to the only true enduring thing. How

long must we live. How long must we die day after day. Leave

this place, leave all you know. Flee a world that seeks to share

its lonely suffering. Seek Him. Seek Him who has overcome

the world.

Fighting What We Cannot Kill

Darkness screaming to me day and night. Lies echo in my head.

Telling tales of my countless failures, of my endless hypocrisies.

Shame comes to slowly drown me, creeping softly to my ear.

Death is painted as release. An end to suffering, and the penance

for all I am. My feet lead me onward, across paths I know

too well, to the dark and vile places of my soul. Anger rages

inside me. Hate for this world, and hate for myself. no words

of comfort soothe the anguish writhing in my heart. I must

end this, destroy this daily struggle. Purpose now set in my

step, as my pace quickens to seek a means of killing these

thoughts. Air rushes into my lungs as the walk becomes a

sprint. Running faster and faster to that desired peace.

The cliff ahead welcomes me, shining brilliantly in the raging

storm. The precipice stands before me as blackness surges

down below, screaming of its endless torment. What peace

is this? What end is this to suffering? My eyes turn

backwards, to what I'm running from. To the man whose

eyes I cannot meet. To Him whose love I don't deserve.

He speaks to me, showing me the price He paid. Shame

subsides and the lies in my head fall silent. "Why are you

still trying to fight what you cannot kill?" "Leave this place

behind, come to me and live."

Kill Them with Love

Hate rages all around me. There is nothing here but strife. No rest,

only anger and pain. I am thrown to my knees. But there is no mercy

here. A gun is pressed to my forehead. The cold steel biting at my

flesh. No struggle here. I wont join them again. I wont give them

that sick satisfaction. They wont see me live for today and then rot

within hour after hour. A smile etched across my face. Laughter

echoes through me. Has it really come to this? Are they so desperate

to have hold of me once more. Words pour from my mouth but they

are not my own. I am already dead. Now only He speaks.

He speaks to their hearts. He asks them to leave their emptiness.

To forsake the only semblance of purpose they've ever known.

To die and yet live. To be broken to the depths of the soul, and in

so doing show the world the lies its set its feet upon. The hammer

snaps into place, menacing and sadistic. It stands poised to rip

my life from me. But I am ready. I go now to Him. Him who now

speaks. Him who loved me even as I stood where they now stand.

The moment hangs in the air. One final chance. To return to who

and what I was. To leave the joy I've found. No. Never again.

He stands before me. Ready to welcome me home. The shot

resounds in the small room, singing loudly of its work. My body

collapses to the floor weeping soft red tears. A child in the corner

stares, at a loss for what to do or say. He had seen no fear, and

felt no anger. I was intriguing. A stranger in a world fueled by hate.

But the child will endure. They will overcome. They have heard

Him speak, and will now seek Him all their days. They will meet

the same end and be glad thereafter. So another is raised up,

out of a world slowly dying. Now they too kneel, ready to leave

this place behind.

The World Must Burn

Silence. Nothing but the lack of everything. Monotony eats slowly

at my will to live. People surround me. Content to live quiet, peaceful

lives. Not so for me. Passion abounds. It feeds the fire deep within

my soul, raging and growing. Moving me to speak. It lashes out

against the apathy within my heart and mind. It has given the world

an ultimatum. Either live or burn. They will burn. So I set ablaze

those things that hold such vise like grips on men. Those lies and

hopes and dreams that lead us onward to a cold, uncaring death.

I once was bound and shackled to evils that reveled in my demise.

But no longer. Breath flows into my lungs, and escapes speaking

of love. How love has conquered the grave. How it has set about

its work of changing the hearts of men. That I am its workmanship.

A living testament to its power. They come. From near and far

they’ve come to hear. Of love and its redeeming grace. They

embrace it, and are filled by it. Fire now dances on their tongues

and in their hearts and souls. It rages, burning down strongholds

and vices and lies. It spreads and sets the world alight. He is Love.

He has overcome the world.

Words

Words rip and tear through flesh and bone, to settle on a broken

heart. Lies and slander, misconception and mistrust. These are

their desired ends. I will not succumb to such things. These words,

these vicious hurtful things serve only to divide. Let it never be.

They fall off lips and echo in the soul, a failed attempt to leave

this sorrow. They break, they destroy, and all they leave is pain.

She hurts me with such things. She doesnt trust me. She doesn't

believe me when I say who and what I am now. Nor can she

escape the lies inside her head. She is beautiful. She does not

know. She is kind. She does not know. She is loved. Even so,

she does not know. So i am broken. Hurt and confused. The

enemy comes. He speaks to my pride, "Break her," he says,

"as she did you". I wrestle with myself against such wicked lies.

Against that old proud man. My King breaks through voices

deep in my mind and speaks. "Did I not love you as you spat

in my face?", "Did i not love you as you ran your own way?",

"Did I not die for you?", "How can you do any less?". The

answer comes, "I can't Lord, Help me" So now i fight

against these words, against such lies and pride. Day to day

I struggle, against my wretched self. In such times I run to him.

I must love, for my king loves me.

They Must Know

Fighting against things she cannot kill, and wrestling with lies inside

her head. Knowing what she ought to do but running all the same.

Tears break from my eyes and stream down my cheeks. My King

has told me of the plans He has, but I see the world fighting so

desperately against them. They will break like the tide against the

rock. So evermore I scream to a people lost in their ways. Lost in

lies. Content to die without hope. I tell them that they need not live

in vain. That there is a life worth living for. My King. He died,

He bled, and rose. All for me. All for them. My throat grows

hoarse as the cold clutches at my lungs. I will not be silenced.

I love them all too much to die so easily. All I am is in my King.

All I am to Him. He gives me strength. He gives me peace.

Onward I fight, against this world, against its lies. I am beaten.

I am bruised. I laugh. They will not break me. I love them far

too much. They must know my King. They must know his love.

Filthy Rags to White Robes

In silence i walk alone. Looking at any and everything. Looking for

some semblance of reason in chaos. The world revels in its madness,

and wallows in its filth. I can and will not suffer like this. I tear my

clothes and fall to my knees, at a loss for words or thoughts. All I

know and all im sure of is that all of this will end. This leads me to

weep and mourn for those already lost and those yet to be. In this

moment my pride is dead. I am completely humble. Not in

reverence to another but in loathing and self pity. I am no better than

them, all these fools around me. How can i leave them behind?

They dance and sing with what looks like joy, but I see pain behind

their drunken faces. they are searching too, but have decided there

is no answer to the question. I am far more stubborn. I slowly rise

to my feet and stumble on ahead. My mind is racing from thoughts

of suicide to genocide. I hate both them and me. All their grandeur

and glory is folly. Do they not see it slowly returning to the dust it

was made from? How can they trust in what they struggle to maintain?

An image, a lie. Again my mind turns inward. Am i not the same?

Have i not raised up idols in my heart, more vain and pompous than

what the world could ever conceive? Heaven forbid i think myself

better than the damned who fight against reality with me. But i do.

And i know how wrong that is. Either these fools are right and

nothing is anything, or else this world is more. Perhaps it is merely

a testimony. An illustration of our weakness. A way to bring us away

from fleeting things and to that glory we seek. To that truly lasting

beauty. Looking back ive found it faithful. Looking back ive found

it good. 'it' is in fact 'Him'.

Soon

The light shines through the slats in the blinds and falls gently on the

desk. A smile etched, at least for the moment, across my face. As

if telling the world that in this moment I am content. Sitting in

thought of days passed and those yet to come, the latter full of

both hesitance and anticipation. Knowing full well that the world

is a cruel and temperamental mistress. Swaying back and forth

between violent rage brought about by its own selfishness, and a

loving kindness whose origin is long forgotten. Knowing this leads

me to enjoy the beauty this world offers but without regarding it

as something that lasts. So day after day, in the midst of joy and

sorrow, I long for the renewal this world so desperately needs

but will not accept. Little does it know that this day quickly

approaches, bringing with it perfection and causing in its recipient

immeasurable gratitude. It is for this day that I wait, and watch,

and pray. In doing so, as my nature leads, I become impatient

and weep, having lost the new perspective given me. Even so,

this Renewer comes and comforts me like the child I am. He

shows me the world and its marvels, and tells me of how much

grander they’ll soon be. In mere seconds He shows me the

span of history, which now seems so very simple and almost

mechanical in its movement. After all this He reminds me that

each and every day passes faster than we allow ourselves to

believe. That our lives are mere specks in the marvelous

tapestry He has woven. Now once again at peace I hear

Him speak, “Soon, very soon.”