In silence i walk alone. Looking at any and everything. Looking for
some semblance of reason in chaos. The world revels in its madness,
and wallows in its filth. I can and will not suffer like this. I tear my
clothes and fall to my knees, at a loss for words or thoughts. All I
know and all im sure of is that all of this will end. This leads me to
weep and mourn for those already lost and those yet to be. In this
moment my pride is dead. I am completely humble. Not in
reverence to another but in loathing and self pity. I am no better than
them, all these fools around me. How can i leave them behind?
They dance and sing with what looks like joy, but I see pain behind
their drunken faces. they are searching too, but have decided there
is no answer to the question. I am far more stubborn. I slowly rise
to my feet and stumble on ahead. My mind is racing from thoughts
of suicide to genocide. I hate both them and me. All their grandeur
and glory is folly. Do they not see it slowly returning to the dust it
was made from? How can they trust in what they struggle to maintain?
An image, a lie. Again my mind turns inward. Am i not the same?
Have i not raised up idols in my heart, more vain and pompous than
what the world could ever conceive? Heaven forbid i think myself
better than the damned who fight against reality with me. But i do.
And i know how wrong that is. Either these fools are right and
nothing is anything, or else this world is more. Perhaps it is merely
a testimony. An illustration of our weakness. A way to bring us away
from fleeting things and to that glory we seek. To that truly lasting
beauty. Looking back ive found it faithful. Looking back ive found
it good. 'it' is in fact 'Him'.
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